Making Mistakes

How I avoid suffering

My daughter Nadya and I enjoying a gorgeous day at the Denver Museum

I made a pretty big financial mistake recently. It will not wipe me out, but it severely damages my reserves. Should I let this make me suffer?

No, I should not. However, that takes work for a person with my mental health. Which, by the way, is not black and white. Meaning that mental health is a gradient just like physical health. Some of us have anxiety, and some do not. Some people have depression, and others do not. Every variable and every level of mental health is in the mix, and we end up with the mental health that our genetics, upbringing, and effort created. That means that just as we can shift our physical health, we can shift our mental health. Why do I mention this?

Know Thyself

Because we have to target our efforts. We have to know our type and then address it accordingly. I am the type who has to manage my thoughts carefully. I think too much, worry too much, and have difficulty appreciating all the wonderful things that happen because I am busy preparing for catastrophe. The past few nights, I have not slept well, and when I wake up, I am often in panic - the feeling of imminent death or an inability to breathe. I have let my family down. Is this how I want to live?

So, I made a mistake. Not ideal. Human. Bad. But I do not want to spend the next part, any part, of my life being miserable, beating myself up, and having an acid stomach that sucks all the joy out of living. I want to be happy. This is a decision. Hard as that is to believe, it is the truth. I can decide to be happy.

It takes a bit of a fight with yourself, but I finally got there. Thirty years of effort and a lot of grace, but I now prefer to have joy in life. For one simple reason - I made a decision. That sounds simple. But it is not. I fought against that choice tooth and nail. Suffering happens in the world, which cannot be denied, and I have to take my portion of it. I do not deserve to be happy. Something bad that I cannot control will happen if I am happy.

But I finally decided. I want joy. I want happiness. That was the pivot. That was the key. A simple decision.

Stress and Triads

My business choices create enormous stress, making the financial mistake even more difficult to address. Will I make it? Don’t know. But now that I have chosen joy over suffering, how do I get there?

The most helpful thing that I have done to support my mental health is a Tony Robbins process called The Triad. Here is a very simple video where Tony explains the basics, and there is a lot more you can find with a simple search. From the Triad work, I came up with a number of incantations that help on a daily basis. From the Triad work, I can easily stop myself from going into a downward thinking spiral and emerge into an upward spiral.

In this current situation, my Loser Triad shows me how NOT to think and feel. Some of those thoughts are: This always happens; I am doomed; It’s over; I am a loser. The physiological characteristics are dry mouth, tight stomach, and acid stomach. The feeling is doom.

My Rock Triad shows me how to think and feel. Some of those thoughts are: I am unstoppable. I am aligned with God. I am a problem solver. The physiological characteristics are relaxed, moving, and standing tall. The feeling is trust, confidence.

This is a partial list, to give you an idea. I have many other thoughts and feelings listed in my Loser and Rock triads. In fact, I have many Triads, and, taken together, they help me choose which version of myself I want. The one that gives me greater joy.

How it’s going

Well, the picture is from yesterday. Instead of stewing, I went to the museum with my daughter. I lived. I played. Just like the Rock Triad. Last night I slept well. Woke up, visualized my Triad state, repeated the incantations, shifted my thoughts to joyful thoughts. And slept well.

I still had to use my incantations, but I had a great time.